Why Hard Rock Park Tanked

Well, Myrtle Beach's new $400 million Hard Rock Park, just opened in Spring, is for sale--minimum bid, $35 million. It may fetch a higher price, but I doubt it'll be much higher, given the economy, and given how poorly HRP did. After all, when a park's value drops $365 million over one summer, it's likely that the changes it requires will be more than cosmetic.

So what happened? Some will point to the poor economy, but plenty of people spent scads of money on the Grand Strand this year--just not at Hard Rock Park.

Others will point to the park's out-of-the-way location on the way to Conway; this didn't help, but you'd best believe that people would have made the drive for a Disney property, or even a Six Flags. So why not for Hard Rock?

Because Hard Rock Park is about rock and roll, and rock and roll--by definition--is not family friendly. You can put KISS outfits over teddy bears all day long, but even if the kids don't get it, every adult over 20 is waiting for the Gene Simmons bear's tongue to spring out and down somebody's throat.

Walt Disney famously said that Disneyland was born of his desire to create a place where parents and children could share adventures together. Rock and roll is all about leaving the old folks and squares behind and enjoying adventures (music/sex/drugs) that they could never understand--even if we told them about it when we got home.

Oh, don't get me wrong. Hard Rock Park was as friendly as a Rock and Roll-themed park could be...but that's not very friendly.

"The Magic Mushroom Garden?" Nothing like naming an attraction after a hallucinogenic to bring in the grandparents and kiddies!

"Nights in White Satin: The Trip." Get it? Trip...like LSD trip! Ha!

A ride themed after the Eagles' "Life in the Fast Lane"--you remember, that hummable little ditty about the crashing and burning cocaine addicts?

How about the cute shop: The Kitchen Down Below--with the funny Satanic imagery?

The fact is, Hard Rock Park tried to mix two things that don't go together well: hipness and inclusiveness. Rock and roll has always sold itself on being exclusive. You listen to Elvis because your dad and mom hate him. You listen to the Stones because your dad still listens to Elvis. You listen to KISS because they kick the Stones' *ss. Or you listen to Metallica because KISS are a bunch of ***gots. And so on, and on, up to today's Top 40.

Granted, Hard Rock boiled things way down to make them more family friendly, but even then, the whole thing seemed like a show put-on for squares (Dude! I bet they don't even catch the sexual reference for the Wham Bam Chicken! )

Maybe the kids didn't. Maybe our parents didn't. But *we* did get the joke. And while for some this might make the park more attractive, I think most of us felt something incongruous afoot. While Hard Rock Park attempted to sell itself as fun for the whole family, all its double-entendres, in-jokes, and winks and nods belied a cynicism that was a lot more attractive to us at sixteen than it is in our own child-rearing years. By keeping us "in-the-know," Hard Rock Park kept its adult visitors from being able to let down their own guards and release the pre-cynical children within themselves.

That's one of the great selling points of Disney's parks--they allow guests of all ages to act and feel like children again.

I suppose that, with a bigger financial base, Hard Rock Park might have worked as an adults-only, Friday Night Out kind of park--an outdoor House of Blues, with rides--but it would never be the place I'd want to take my kids and mom on a Saturday morning.

A Great Summer Ends, And We Fall Back

Had a great summer this year--hope you did, too. Spent a couple of weeks at the beach and a couple in the mountains, all in South Carolina. I love this state.

Just got back, last weekend, from a long weekend at Table Rock State Park, near Pickens. The picture at left is just a minor falls along the Carrick Creek Trail.

I'm interested in your own explorations in the American South this year--or heck, anywhere! Drop a line to the address on this page!

The Deep South vs The Sunbelt

Since I first started writing about the Carolinas in the second half of the 1990s, the the population of South Carolina has swollen like a snakebitten ankle.

The best of the new arrivals hereabouts realize that in moving to South Carolina, they are moving to one of the most unique states in the Union. As many in our culture cry for us all to "celebrate diversity," these people are moving to South Carolina from other (usually northern, sometimes western) climes to do just that--enjoy the unique culture of South Carolina, on South Carolina's own terms. These people I call the Deep Southers. They accept and perhaps enjoy the fact that in moving to South Carolina, they are moving to The South, a part of America unlike any other. Even more, they realize that they are moving to the Deep South, to a part of the South quite different in its history, identity, and affinities than, say, West Virginia or Kentucky—which, in their northernmost reaches and larger cities, might as well be Pennsylvania or Ohio.

The sharpest of the Deep Southers realize that they are also moving to The Old South, the part of the South originally settled by the British in the 1600s, long before the soils wore out and plantation owners moved their homes and slaves (in the early 1800s) to the “New South” or “Old Southwest”—states like Alabama, Mississippi, Alabama, Louisiana, Tennessee, Missouri, and Texas. Ever wonder why every famous Tennessean President was originally born in the Carolinas? Ever wonder why so many native South Carolinians (including commanding officer William Barrett Travis, and heroic messenger John Bonham) died at the Alamo? Now you know.

And any good Deep Souther knows that in moving to South Carolina, they are moving to the intellectual and cultural heart of the antebellum South. Charleston was the Southern Boston, though most good Charlestonians might see that as an insult. And Columbia and Charleston were the hotbeds of the secession movement, the spots where—respectively—where the Secession was born, and later, where the War Between the States began. This was no happenstance. Had California seceded from America in 1969 and the first shots had been fired in San Francisco Harbor, it would have happened there—and not in, say, Newport Beach, or Santa Barbara. Columbia was a special target of Sherman in his march across Carolina, and for a reason.

The Sunbelters

The Sunbelters move to South Carolina principally because 1) the weather's warmer, 2) they can usually move up, housewise, 3) their own hometown has become too crime-ridden to retire in, and 4) their parents' generation has already ruined Florida.
Some of these people are very nice, but they accomplish the unique feat of acting the part of The Ugly American right here in America. They rail against Blue Laws and laugh at the natives' accents, dress, politics, and courtesies. They make no effort to learn how South Carolina views itself and its history...the worst of them, rather, feel that it is their job to enlighten the natives on How Things Really Are.
People can do what they want, obviously. There are people who would colonize the Moon and immediately complain about the lack of cable TV. But the homogenization of South Carolina into "mainstream American culture" is a mixed blessing, at best. Yes, it's nice to see racism and chainsmoking disappearing from the scene. It's good to see land conservation and mixed-use developments on the rise--especially as they help protect some of South Carolina's most notable traits--its wildlife and abundance of natural environments, and its strong sense of community (something that has been largely lost by many of the Northern-style mega-developments with their senselessly winding, sidewalkless streets--or Courts, Vistas, Lanes--and crowded with the sound of rider mowers, leaf blowers, and the groan of electric garage doors lifting to swallow yet another minivan.

Wow. This is leaning towards a rant. Forgive me. What was I saying? Oh yes--many non-Carolinians are bringing in some good ideas, and some much needed perspective on the preciousness of open space and community. But if you're moving to Mexico, learn Spanish. Learn the Feast Days. Study some Mexican history. Anyone who didn't do this would be considered a dolt.

So let's give South Carolina the same respect. This isn't just another part of the U.S., this is South Carolina, founded 1670, with a proud history and strong sense of itself and a STATE (think Austria, Switzerland), not just one of "the states." Anyone who has lived here six months and doesn't know the difference between Beach Music and the Beach Boys, and can't roughly sketch out Sherman's path through Carolina in '65 should be summarily deported to Ohio. (Which is probably where they came from, anyway.)

Love, Mercy and Sweet Tea
Mike

At Last: Yanks Break Free from Pierre Pressure!

A Time article, published today here, suggests that culturally sensitive Americans can blush a bit lighter--we're no longer the worst of the worst.

Better yet--the French are the worst!

How have we at long last bested the Frogs? We're less obnoxious when we travel!

I'll write more on this, but here's the link to the article.

Of Mustard and Myrtle Beach

My crack research staff and I enjoyed a memorable Memorial Weekend. Our hotel was one of the Strand's newest, the Grey Poupon-colored Anderson Ocean Resort.

With its Spanish-styled color scheme, the Anderson stands out like...well, like a gourmet-mustard-colored thumb amongst the predictable aquas and grays of Ocean Boulevard's skyline So does its matching multi-story parking garage. The garage stands a full block away on Oak Street (valet parking available), but thanks to the spicy brown color-coding, you'll have no difficulty figuring out which parking garage belongs to the resort.
As with so many other gourmet items that have become common in our society, gourmet mustard, when it first became popular in the 1970s, struck many of us pragmatists (I was a very young pragmatist back then) as...well...off the mark. I remember the first time a friend's mom (I'm thinking it was Buddy Theilen's mom, but I could be wrong) slipped some Gulden's on me. My reaction was, "Wow! That's sure unique. Now can you hand me the real mustard?"
But like good mustard, as with $4.00 coffees and bottled water, when the product is not just gimmicky, but a true re-imagining of the original item, given time, a great new version of a product ends up changing the definition of the product itslf. What at first seems ridiculously extravagant gradually comes to seem not a reasonable variant, but the standard for the product itself. Such is the Anderson's class and impressive service that by the time we left the Resort on Monday morning, it seemed as though it was the rest of Myrtle Beach that needed a paint job. If mustardy paint brings this sort of quality to Ocean Drive, then bring on the Gulden's!

Many thanks to the ever-helpful and gracious Kimberly Miles at the Myrtle Beach Chamber and Visitors Bureau.

Dang-It Dolls on the Front

Here's a neat AP article on a Cayce grandmother who makes and has sent thousands of stress-relieving dolls to America's military fronts.

Pisgah National Forest

Right now I'm taking a break from writing by...writing. Hmmm. Well, I'm writing today about Pisgah National Forest in North Carolina, south of the Smokies. In the book I co-wrote with Jeff Bradley, Moon Handbooks: Smoky Mountains, I emphasize that most of what a lot of folks come to the Smokies for can be found in several of the much-less-crowded National Forest Lands, including Nantahala and Pisgah.

Did you know that Great Smoky Mountains National Park is the busiest National Park in the system. The reason? Mainly because it's located within a day's drive of over half of the American population.

Here's another scary fact: of all those millions of visitors each year, only a relative handful ever venture more than 50 yards from their car. Even those that camp usually camp right beside their SUVs.

Which brings me to my point--and this can be true of other national forest land near, say, Mount Lassen or Yellowstone or even Yosemite. For many visitors, the Smokies is really just "the mountains." They're coming (and this is no criticism) to set up the tents or trailer, cook over a propane stove and roast marshmallows around the fire. And that's totally fine, particularly if you're traveling with very small, aged, or disabled folks who can't really make it up to the top of Half Dome anyway. But if that's what you're coming for, then you don't need to go to an overcrowded National Park.... The facilities at the state parks are usually no more spartan than the Nationals, and sometimes they even have hot showers. And then you can always hop in the car and daytrip to see the famous sites inside the National Park...and, I suppose, just to be able to say you've been.

My Poor Kids

Does anybody else sit at the kitchen table, entertaining his/her kids by reading them the colorful history of New Bern, NC? I did that today, although my oldest liked it, or at least, the first 20 minutes of it.

South Carolina Handbook, compared to other Travel Handbooks

These stats come courtesy of Amazon.com. I was very happy to see I used shorter words than most. (That's how I get my word counts up....) However, I think--if I read the last section correctly--I use longer sentences than some, which is something I want to improve upon, as it is confusing for readers when they have to try to follow along with the logic of a single--though greatly qualified--thought, no matter how many single-syllable words I use.

Complexity
Complex Words: 28% have fewer, 72% have more
Syllables per Word: 24% have fewer, 76% have more
Words per Sentence: 56% have fewer, 44% have more

Number of Characters
Characters 75% fewer, 25% more (hey, I’m trying to be comprehensive)
Words 75% fewer, 25% more
Sentences 70% fewer, 30% more

My average sentence is 17.6 words, and my average word is 1.6 syllables.

Again, the comparisons above are versus other travel guidebooks. Versus all books carried on Amazon.com, only 6% of them have more words.

Wow. No wonder it took a year to write the first edition.

You're in the Deep South Now

Mike Sigalas here, author of Moon Travel Handbooks to South Carolina, North Carolina, Coastal Carolinas, Charleston and Savannah and the Georgia Coast, and The Great Smoky Mountains (w/Jeff Bradley). I've also written travel for Microsoft Trip Planner, Away.com, and Home and Abroad.com.

This blog will serve two functions--to allow me to update the printed versions of the books as changes happen, and my readers and internet travelers a place to discuss the past, present, and future of South Carolina in particular, and the American South in general.