Well, Myrtle Beach's new $400 million Hard Rock Park, just opened in Spring, is for sale--minimum bid, $35 million. It may fetch a higher price, but I doubt it'll be much higher, given the economy, and given how poorly HRP did. After all, when a park's value drops $365 million over one summer, it's likely that the changes it requires will be more than cosmetic.
So what happened? Some will point to the poor economy, but plenty of people spent scads of money on the Grand Strand this year--just not at Hard Rock Park.
Others will point to the park's out-of-the-way location on the way to Conway; this didn't help, but you'd best believe that people would have made the drive for a Disney property, or even a Six Flags. So why not for Hard Rock?
Because Hard Rock Park is about rock and roll, and rock and roll--by definition--is not family friendly. You can put KISS outfits over teddy bears all day long, but even if the kids don't get it, every adult over 20 is waiting for the Gene Simmons bear's tongue to spring out and down somebody's throat.
Walt Disney famously said that Disneyland was born of his desire to create a place where parents and children could share adventures together. Rock and roll is all about leaving the old folks and squares behind and enjoying adventures (music/sex/drugs) that they could never understand--even if we told them about it when we got home.
Oh, don't get me wrong. Hard Rock Park was as friendly as a Rock and Roll-themed park could be...but that's not very friendly.
"The Magic Mushroom Garden?" Nothing like naming an attraction after a hallucinogenic to bring in the grandparents and kiddies!
"Nights in White Satin: The Trip." Get it? Trip...like LSD trip! Ha!
A ride themed after the Eagles' "Life in the Fast Lane"--you remember, that hummable little ditty about the crashing and burning cocaine addicts?
How about the cute shop: The Kitchen Down Below--with the funny Satanic imagery?
The fact is, Hard Rock Park tried to mix two things that don't go together well: hipness and inclusiveness. Rock and roll has always sold itself on being exclusive. You listen to Elvis because your dad and mom hate him. You listen to the Stones because your dad still listens to Elvis. You listen to KISS because they kick the Stones' *ss. Or you listen to Metallica because KISS are a bunch of ***gots. And so on, and on, up to today's Top 40.
Granted, Hard Rock boiled things way down to make them more family friendly, but even then, the whole thing seemed like a show put-on for squares (Dude! I bet they don't even catch the sexual reference for the Wham Bam Chicken! )
Maybe the kids didn't. Maybe our parents didn't. But *we* did get the joke. And while for some this might make the park more attractive, I think most of us felt something incongruous afoot. While Hard Rock Park attempted to sell itself as fun for the whole family, all its double-entendres, in-jokes, and winks and nods belied a cynicism that was a lot more attractive to us at sixteen than it is in our own child-rearing years. By keeping us "in-the-know," Hard Rock Park kept its adult visitors from being able to let down their own guards and release the pre-cynical children within themselves.
That's one of the great selling points of Disney's parks--they allow guests of all ages to act and feel like children again.
I suppose that, with a bigger financial base, Hard Rock Park might have worked as an adults-only, Friday Night Out kind of park--an outdoor House of Blues, with rides--but it would never be the place I'd want to take my kids and mom on a Saturday morning.
